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Sometimes revert back to my childhood fears.
From the age of eight to twelve I had severe anxiety attacks when trying to go to sleep. No one knew was caused it, I would sob and sob and around 3:00 every morning I would go into my parents bedroom and sleep on the floor. I didn't feel safe. When my parents finally had enough and told me to stay in my room I would cry and cry and cry. Finally I found the solution. I would go through everyone I know and negotiate with myself if they were asleep or awake..if I thought they were awake for some reason, it soothed me, I felt safer.
Last night I had to do that because of a wind storm outside. I woke up in the early hours of the morning I ended up almost in tears because I was so scared, I would hear it in the trees, knocking things over, brushing against my window..it scared me. I had to tell my self that the people I know and love are awake. I resisting texting Mike because I thought I would wake him up, It was so hard to resist too, I needed some comfort. So I ddn't. I held my cell phone tight in my hands for almost an hour while I tried to sleep.
It was terrible...i'm glad I stayed home today.
Btw, my mom is a b***h.
 Guilt-na Doll · Wed Jan 14, 2009 @ 07:06am · 0 Comments |
