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I'm screwed up. I know I am. I'll admit it for you too.
I'M SCREWED UP.
I use too many chances when I didn't deserve one in the first place. Not a single one should ever be thrown my way, because as soon as you give me one, I'll screw everything up.
I do go deep into thought a lot, but what's running through my head doesn't belong in the open world. None of it does. I don't like to talk very often anymore, perhaps some changes are in progress. I hope they are at least.
Has anyone seen that Pon and Zi icon that shows the yellow one saying, "I can't sleep, my pillow is too wet." I feel borderline that. Yes, I'm aware people think they're emo comics. I don't think I'm emo, or consider myself emo. I can't even say anything about emos without someone getting pissed off at me because my words are twisted into what they think I've said. Hell, I can't even say anything anymore without it having some sort of double meaning. Good or bad, everything I say just automatically has a different meaning than how I meant it.
Also, I know I got into trouble. I've served my punishment. It's over with, so why does everyone continue to bring it up? From staff to peers, I get it! Nobody wants us together, so why are we?
The truth is, I don't know anymore. I feel hated. I feel stupid, lied to, walked on, ignored. Throw a wild animal into white rapids filled with rocks and waterfalls, and you've got me. Some things get broken, and they're most likely not repairable. Thrown into the rocks and not a clue as to where the surface of the water to get a breath is. I've been broken a few times, and I'm getting close to that point where nothing can be repaired. Not by anyone.
I remember when I used to be extremely happy. I would love waking up and going to school, seeing everyone and smiling and laughing. Now....I don't know what I am. I don't like getting up in the morning. I hate waking up and wondering what I might fight about, or who's going to lie to me. I don't really smile a real smile anymore, more of one that just makes people back off when they ask what's wrong with me. I haven't really laughed, I stoped laughing real laughs some time ago too.
Don't ask me if I'm okay. I'll just tell you I am.
I'M NOT OKAY.
I'm just a few waterfalls and rocks until I can't be repaired anymore.
 nangal · Wed Sep 17, 2008 @ 11:42pm · 0 Comments |
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