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experienced an unsettling dream |
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i dreamed that me, my sister, uncle and his mate were running though a building like a race. You know? messing about? seeing who'd win. When me and my sis went into a room their was a meeting going on, so we said sorry and left only to walk into someone who told us not to go in cuz there was a meeting. We said too late but then we were somehow outside.
I then found out my grandmother passed away. then there was all this rush that comes with the death of a relative; for some reason we befriended the priest who was quite young. he drove us there and drove us back. I remember the building and goin in but no farther, we huddled at the hall and then we had to leave thus the fact that four of us, me my sis, uncle, someone else were squished into the back while my mum and the priest were in the front (the priest being the driver)
All i could think of was, 'when is the wake'? i hate wakes. i really hate them. been to one and that was my grandfather, my dad being the ******** he is scared me when i wouldnt get too close to the coffin and he shoved me closer only for me to freak out and run from the room, thus losing my only chance to say goodbye. (another reason added to the list of why i hate my dad)
The funeral was just as nerve wracking; i cried, but i wasnt as hysterical as the wake. Anyway, all i thought then was, 'at least she will be with granda now.' what i didn't know was that after my granda died that she had tried to commit suicide a number of times and institutionalised. i found out last year about it. The thing is i dont want her to die, but i dont want her to be sad either. and with this s**t about my second eldest uncle making a bother, she's taking his side thus my family fell out with her. But im going to her house tomorrow for the weekend. Yes, call it guilt, yes call it worry, but i do love my grandmother even if she is a lier (who isn't?) i cant say i forgive all that easily if im wronged (especially badly) but i am too easy going to keep up a bad temper (passive aggressive tendencies coupled with an ability to keep a grudge can get personal trust me) but for some reason i'mm too forgiving.
Besides that, i dont want to be on bad terms with my gran, i love her to bits and she may be the way she is because she's lonely and misses granda, i do too, but with the way things are going no one will be speaking to her.My sis and me still speak to her if we see her but...i dunno, my dads an a**, nothing else can explain him, he's just an a**. My mum will speak to her, but she'll be ruthless too, not that it isn't well deserved.
Sometimes i wonder if my stupid old man will ever realise that my sister and i actually hate him? it may not be HATE per say, but i strongly dislike him because of his behaviour and how he treats us.
which is another reason as to why im heading to grannies house. to get away from him. He had actually hurt my mother last month, thinking she was cheating on him. what sort of husband would hit their own wife? neutral yes i just, added two problem into one space, sorry about that, but i wanted an outlet and this was all i could come up with.
 Binku_Muja- · Thu Jul 03, 2008 @ 03:52pm · 0 Comments |
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