I came back to gaia for one reason. To get my friends back and Eric. My old friends dont want me back and Eric is not Eric anymore. I find myself back at square one... I have this pain in my heart that I cant seem to stop. I cry each day for no reason, I feel like cutting but cant. I love Kim and my little Brother so much but sometimes I just feel like cutting so bad... And I dont know If I can keep holding back, this pain of loss keeps comming. I thought things got better when me and Eric got back together but it seems that its not so. He only wants to have fun and I dont. I do care more then I should, and I cant help that. I once said that If I ever left this world I would have to say good-bye to my loved ones.
I love you all. But you really never cheack on me so it dosent matter now does it. Kim your the only one that truly does.... So are you the only one that loves me? Alex dosent seem to need or notice me anymore, like I have no usefulness anymore now that he is older... And Eric is... Well, I cant quite say what he is because each time I talk to him Its hardly a sentence, and he logs off. I have this feeling that he is on for someone else and not me... Well, I just proved myself. Gaia, I dont think you hold a place for me anymore.
Ive lost so many people.. Suzie is gone, Eric is gone, and Alex is gone... Who next? I dont know if my heart can keep taking all this pain. I cry so much that I cant controle it. I hug my teddy at night hoping that the mornings light will bring a new happy day but I just dont that I can stay. I love everyone... I just cant keep up with all this...
If I lose one more person I think Im going to go insane.. My Uncle is the one person that will put me over the edge and my true close people know that about me. I had a nightmare last night that he died... You were all there for me, and even Eric was there.... I thank you all for being there, the only one that wasnt there was Suzie... I cry so much over that fact. I cant help but think that I could have saved her. I just really need my friends right now....
I fear Im slowly slipping... I cant keep up my mask of being all right for very much longer... I really need your help... Please.. I dont want to go back to a mental hospital... Or worse, Kim and Eric dont need to lose another person. Help me know that its ok... Because I... I just need help... I cant keep this up... I dont have words to explain my tears... I cry each day, and my medican dosent help... Help me.... I dont want to hurt anyone...
I love you all....Help me....
Song I Dedacate to Eric, "Relize"
P.s. I love you all and my next post please follow through if it ever happends.
 ~`Nolee_Damness`~ · Fri May 30, 2008 @ 01:52pm · 1 Comments |
