Life: each breath i take adds another chain
each heart beat puts another knife through me
and with every second i cry another bullet flies in at me
|
|
|
1st i have you know i think about killing myself everyday & there r only 3 things keeping me here: my Father, my friends, and my fear of what happens after i die.
NOW TO THE NOTE .............. BEWARE WHAT YOU READ ........
hello there if your reading this its only cause you care or feel gilt but no matter your reading it. im sorry if this causes you pain or make you sad, if this pisses you off or even makes you glad. i must be saying good bye to all the ones i love and yes even those i hate. dont see this as for the worse but for the better .... i'll be in a better place now. as i see it i've been told suicide is for cowards it means you're weak but if you think about it it takes a really strong person to look death in the eyes and say take me then doing it.
suffering inner sickness, life is not worth living, just feel emprisoned. want to get free, free from everything, just want to end my misery, TAKE ME!!! TAKE ME!!! stab a hole in my heart, put a gun to my head, i feel as if im better off dead, kill me my love, i hate myself so much, i feel so full of cuts, i cant be living, God dont love me. its all a lie like life. so i'm going to die ... very very soon, so good bye look for your name here you just might find it! *shock* not hahaha you'll here my laugh from inside my coffin.
to my mom and to my dad ..... i love you both sumhow. i hate you for bringing me into this world to suffer and be screamed at for living. i have never felt right nor eccepted really. pple have always beaten me down in one way or another. and neither of you ever truly knew me, nor how i felt. so im sorry if this brings you tears or makes you sob. dad i always favored you after all your the only person who at least half way got what i ment. mom i used to love you but you have over used that an i can no longer do so.
to Dylan ...... i love you so much it kills inside. you know how we said we loved each other more than life well i meant it. now that im dead i'll be able to be there with you and hold you close whether you realize it or not. i love you now and forever ... never ever forget that and try not to forget me. please dont cry i know u might, but its best you dont. i know everything ..... i knew it all along and yet i loved and currently do love you. *kisses* goodbye love.
to Ryan ...... i loved ya from the start you were like a big bro a little too much at times but no matter what you always put a smile on my face, and saved my life a good number of times. and i love you for that truely thou i was you didnt. dont cry for me this is what ii want i am happy now really.
to Max ........ i loved you deeply and truely and you knew it. you're most likly screaming at me inside or just not giving a damn. lol but know thhat you made this really hard to do for me. you were so fun to talk to and had a great imagination, you helped me become a great rper and an even better person.
to Lauri ...... it seems as if i knew you all my life and leaving you may be the hardest no matter what problems we had we'd always bounce back. you such fun to be with and funding you was a blessing we lighten each other in so many ways if we never met idk what i would do.please dont drown in tears from me.
to Miranda ........ you seemed like the only one who listened to a damn thing i had to say, thank you. but cutting yourself isn't helping your sadness its a poor way or asking for help and sumone to listen to you. please stop. and i know you will sob at least a tear or two but i'm better off now.
to Shannon ..... gwad ducky i luv you to death your were always so happy and bright no matter what you made me laugh so hard when it just felt so wrong to be laughing. but i saw how broken you really were underneath even thou no one else noticed it. i listened to what you had to say when you needed me to. please dont cry to hard my little ducky.
to Kristen ...... my dear dear sister this s going to hurt you most. you ignored most of what i had to say and well that didnt help me any. but you understood me when you weren't stuck on yourself. and yes you are a selfish little girl but that'll pass with time and please please STOP ******** CUTTING YOURSELF that is part of the reason im now dead. you wont cry too much i hope you dont cry at all.
to the others who care and were not listed .... thank you for your care and support in life, someday you'll all join me i hope. goodbye and please dont cry.
to all of those i hate .... you did this to me you bastards i hope you all die horrible deaths and live horrible lives. you whos words hurt me you whos actions hurt me, and most of all you who ignored my existence. you all had a part in this and i hope you all die old so you can live a long terrifying life. i know none of you will shed a tear for me and i wouldnt expect you to.
well i think its time i get going. goodbye all dont worry about me. be happy now that im gone you wont have me in your way, you can throw out any of my junk you may have. go out and party now that im no longer here to worry about that is if you even cared at all if your here for my forgiveness you wont ever get it. so goodbye all im going now and shall never return again.
luv forever and what is no more ...... Jessica Nicole B*****r
(PS: I'M DOING THIS FOR KICKS, SO DONT BE ALARMED DONT PM ME CRYING OR SCREAMING. YOU MAY COMMENT THIS BELOW I LUV JOURNAL COMMENTS MAYBE THIS WILL GET SUM )
 xXMiss AsphyxiationXx · Sat Mar 22, 2008 @ 01:34am · 2 Comments |
|
|
|
|
|
