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At first I thought that I was normal. I don’t have any solid memories from the few years when I was ordinary. I was too young and well without magic the years past by without anything interesting happening. I imagine that I was an good kid, probably happy. You know, like a mortal. But that all changed when I turned four. You know the story of my first, violent encounter with the magical world and how I was attacked. But I don’t think you really know the specifics.
For one thing I wasn’t just four - it was my fourth birthday; because that was when my horrible birthdays started. This one started in my house. I guess even as a kid I was a typical magical - too curious and smart for my own damn good. I think that I wondered in the living room, I’m pretty sure that I was looking for my birthday presents. Well I overheard them talking. I learned that I was adopted. As a magical I was smart enough even at the age of four. I knew what it meant. So I ran away in tears. I was confused and I didn’t know how I felt so I walked around until it was dark out. And then I was attacked by a vampire. Did I tell you it was a vampire? Well it was. Maybe that is one of the reasons why I hate them more than any other demons.
It didn’t start off as an attack. At first all I saw was a young man just in the middle of his teens. He had seen me crying by myself so he came over to ask what wrong. I told him everything. I didn’t know any better at the time. I would still technically be an innocent for one more hour. It never even occurred to me back then that someone would want to hurt me, but that wouldn’t last much longer.
He told me that my biological parents didn’t want me, that there was something wrong with me. I know now that he was lying but I was four, scared, alone, hurt and about to find out that I was a freak. His words stayed with me a long time. But despite the horrible things that he was saying he still seemed kind, he was still be generally nice to me. Until the second he changed into a monster and tried to kill me. I didn’t know what a vampire was so I just screamed and then the whole street started shaking and then he exploded.
See, even as a newbie I was still pretty powerful. As a magically-born-child I already had my own power. Did I ever tell you about my first power? It was an active power and I wouldn’t be alive right now if I hadn’t had it growing up. However by the time that I met you Duke I had sort of stopped using it, maybe because part of me sensed that it belonged to a darker side of me. I used to call it the sonic screech, dorky I know.
But the way that my power worked was with sound. I could channel and amplify it for use as a weapon, creating some rather large explosions. I never really devoted myself to learning how to use it properly like Richie always wanted me to. And then I abused the power and rightfully had it bound and taken away. So never managed to learn how to use it beyond screaming, which is why after a while when I stopped screaming I stopped using it.
So when I screamed at the vampire he exploded because of my power. When I was in danger the binding spells that the Powers That Be had placed on me when they made me broke because I needed my magic to protect myself with. So when I was four years old I crossed the line between innocent and magical in an instant. And as far I had known I killed a man. The fact that he had been so kind to me up until the moment he decided to attack didn’t help. It was cruel almost. I’ve never understood why he felt that sick need to play with my heart and convince me he was human if he was intending to kill me and so for a long time I thought he was human and that I had killed him.
Even at four I knew that what I had done was horribly wrong, which of course caused me to burst into tears again. I couldn’t move for a long while before I realized I should probably run. But I sat there for a very long time before going home, which I think I did because I four and would’ve been tired anyways plus the strain of using my power for the first time. So I went home to get some rest because I had nowhere else to go.
I’m positive that my parents asked me where I was but I don’t actually remember. The whole night was pretty much a gigantic blur. I know that I didn’t answer. I had my reasons but I don’t remember those either. But why ever I did it, I told my first lie, kept my first secret from them. Whether or not that was the right decision I’ll probably never know and I can’t change that I did it. And the fact that I did it shaped me and affected me at my very core ever single day since I made that decision.
I might not remember the events of that day too clearly but I do remember how I felt that night. For one thing I didn’t sleep despite being utterly exhausted. I didn’t even close my eyes until the sun came up on the next day. And when I did I had horrible dreams. You can imagine how I felt. Four years old and confused and a lone and scared. In one day I’d learned that my parents were in fact not my parents and that everything that I had known before that day was a lie. Even though the vampire had lied to me part of me believed him and continued to do so for a very long time. I had just learned that I had strange powers so I figured that my biological parents didn’t want me because I was a freak. And to top it all off, as far as I was concerned I had just killed a man.
I didn’t leave the house for a very long time. You can imagine why of course. I didn’t understand what had happened to me. Why was I attacked or even how I was able to protect myself. I didn’t want to be around people incase I accidentally hurt someone. I was more afraid of that than of myself getting hurt. So I stayed away from everyone for a long time. And I think that the fact that I could make a decision like that at such an early age is one of many reasons that I made it as far as I did.
When I did leave the house again it was only because I had to, although I don’t really remember why I was forced to leave, I just know that I was. I was attacked yet again but this time it wasn’t a vampire. This one actually looked like the monster that it was and I think that that made it easier for me to kill it. Perhaps if that one had also been a vampire or some other demon masquerading as a human I would have lost it. I don’t think I could have done it twice. I still thought that vampires were humans and that I had killed an actual person. Killing two people would’ve been more than I could handle.
It went on like that for some time. I’m not even entirely sure how long. But for a while it seemed as though every time I was outside and no one else was around some kind of monster would find and attack me. After sometime I decided to try and get some kind of answers but whenever I was attacked my fear would paralyze me and my power would always activate and finish off the monsters before I was ever hurt and before I could question them. I guess part of me didn’t want to know. But most of me did so I started to spend a lot of time at the library.
I found off ways of getting myself there so my parents wouldn’t notice. Some of them were quite creative. I hung out in the back of the library where they hid the occult books. It took me a while to find them and after I did I spent most of my time there, I was careful never to check anything out. I was lucky that no one else ever went back there because I would’ve definitely been noticed. Not many four year olds know how to read and none could do it at my level. At the time I could read at a basic seventh-grade level.
The books did not really help all that much. As you well know the things that they keep in public libraries isn’t very accurate as it reflects the poor knowledge that they have of our world. They did a few things for me though. Firstly they did allow me to put words to what was happening to me: magic, demons, vampires and other such things. But some of the thing that I read had old and detailed drawings from times when our two worlds were not as separated as they are now. They were drawings of dark and disturbing monsters. They made my nightmares worse, more graphic and vivid. But the books also gave me a reason to stop feeling so guilty about defending myself, although I never really did. But it was a comfort to know that even the man-like vampires were really hellish creatures like the other demons who had attacked me and that they had no soul and so it wasn’t exactly murder.
One day a librarian discovered me doing some of my makeshift research.. When she tried to ask me about I ran. Even as a kid I was a paranoid little s**t, a characteristic that also helped me to survive. I didn’t like I could trust anyone, not my parents, no one. I never went back to that library. That mistrust of the entire world was a shield for me. No one could get close to me and hurt me in anyway. It kept me alive and long after I stopped needed these walls I was reluctant to tear them down for fear that I actually did them. Sure they came from my own paranoia, but that came from somewhere else, from the first magical that I ever met.
 Zegwarian310 · Mon Mar 10, 2008 @ 10:07pm · 1 Comments |
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