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	Endless Ranting. Yesh Oo; this is my journal where I shall rant and talk about things that no one seems to care about. I will probobly use this every 5 years, but it shall bring me much pleasure XD now smile, do the jig, and become my minion so I may eat your brain

	Too much.
	Too much.


Have you ever thought so much that the things that just never make sense all of a suden just come to life, like something finally makes sense to you, when nothing else ever did? Well here's the insight to my life. I'm a girl, obviously, who writes just not enough, and thinks so much about the negitive aspects that she tends to drive herself, and other crazy. I worry, constantly. I worry about the weather, I worry that I'll wake up one day and my bf will have dumped me, all my friends will hate me, and my life will just end. I fear silly things that will probably never take place, and from that i push people away. I can be nice, I love to listen, but from those who really, really got to see the person I am, under the person I try to be, I'm very complicated and messed up. I'm like a jumble of colored wires that when you talking to me you don't know which one to cut without setting off an explosive. I like to find reasons to fight with people, why? For some reason it's my own defennse, I hate it afterwards, I hate what it does in the long term. I;ve ruined many a peoples lives, and I;ve done the opposite. So with me, you tend to take the good with the bad I suppose. So thing is, when you think too much, you see all these things, your own flaws become so apparent to you, you wish you could take an eraser and just...well....erase everyting that causes other termoil. I guess what I'm trying to get at in this mess of ramblings is, I'm a person. I've had problems. I was beaten back in 5th grade, I've been lied to, and had my mind ****** with for three years of my life...I'm not sane, at least not on some levels, I do have some problems that I wish i could deal with, but I can't. I'll always be insecure, and worry when my boyfriend hangs around his friend who is another girl. I'll always hide in my shell, wondering if I did something wrong if someone looks at me while speaking to another person. i'll always be this person, the one that very, very few people know. So this is the problem when you think to much, you really begin to udnerstand how much rambling can bring out the personality you really like to hide. Moo, over and out. Anrui4** · Thu Jun 09, 2005 @ 03:54am · 3 Comments


Anrui4 Community Member «Prev \| Next» Archive \| Home [10/21/09 08:07pm] [10/14/09 03:19am] [12/05/08 08:27pm] [11/08/08 07:48pm] [10/07/08 03:29am] [10/02/08 09:34pm] [03/01/08 06:18pm] [01/19/06 11:47pm] [01/15/06 06:26am] [12/30/05 03:09am]

	User Comments: [3]
	User Comments: [3]


	hey Kate, i don't know if this means anything but i am always here for you k? if you ever need to talk 1431 Ponderosa Ave. off Babcock K! i luv ya kate! Jordan Offline Skittles08 · Community Member · Wed Jul 13, 2005 @ 02:56am


	Who is skittles? o.o And why does she live so strangly close to me. whee Offline Sidi · Community Member · Sun Jul 17, 2005 @ 06:04am


	I think that to a certain extent you're correct in what you say, but often the way we percieve ourselves isn't how others see us. To me, you are not some bringer of malcontent to everyone around you, you didn't cause all the problems you may think you did. We caused ourselves much heartache on our on. Infact, we're all stagnating in our own turmoil. We don't have to rely on other's to cause problems to ourselves. I don't see you as the angry person you think you are, and even if I supposedly haven't seen the "true you" you can't fool everyone,and I have this nasty little habit of seeing through people's acts, and in your's I don't see a horrible person. Now, I can't post here and tell you that your life wasn't hard, nor do I intend to, I'm sure that you've been dealt more than your fair share of problems. But we all must realize that these experiences shaped the person we are today. As a prime example, take yourself, you write poems that show everything from true heartache to the highest points of glee, and weave together stories that are so complex that sometimes other's can't keep up, and even more, you draw wonderful art that potrays not-so-everyday people experiencing the sorrows and joys of an almost every-day life, and to me that's admirable. Without the pains and joys from the past and present, where would you find the emotions that bring your creations to life? Even if the person you are now isn't something you like, you have to remember that everything changes. What we think today isn't neccesarilly what we will think tomorrow. In the future, we are all bound to make decisions that will change us, some will be right,and more likely most will be wrong, but from these experiences we can trully draw our personalities to our own liking, and when we look back on our former selves, I, for one, do not want to feel any regret. Yes, I myself pick fights for fun ,just like you. I am one of the people who looks at someone while talking to someone else, but I'll never be ashamed of it. Life is far too short and fragile to trouble ourselves with these things. This age we are all struggling through is such an insignificant part of our lives, and I don't want to think that it will ruin who I or anyone else wants to be. As a finally word, I'd like to use a quote from a famous manga by a very wise manga-ka " For there to be pain, there has to be kindness. For darkness to stand out, there has to be the sun. you can't have one without the other and both have their uses. So even if you stumble and make mistakes, that's not useless. Think of it like fertilizer.... sure, it feels like crap, but it will help you grow!" Offline Satouru · Community Member · Thu Aug 11, 2005 @ 10:21pm

	User Comments: [3]
	User Comments: [3]

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