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“Are you going to tell me what I want to know or am I going to have to start hurting you?” asked Kit.
“You’re already hurting me.”
“For this to work, you’re going to have to trust me.”
“I don’t.”
“Close enough.”
“This guy gives the weirdest nicknames. My name is ‘Kit’, three letters, one syllable. You can’t get much shorter. He calls me ‘irregular teenage girl with far too many automatic weapons’. His might be more accurate but it’s really long.”
“I’m fine don’t worry about me. I just got stabbed. It’s fine really, it’s just like a paper cut, only deeper and bigger and with a knife.”
“I would like a better brain.”
“How about we start with a brain?”
“Kit and I have been friends for a long time and there was this one thing she did that always bugged me. It’s so stupid too because it was that sometimes she would point to things with her thumb. It was weird though because whenever she would subtly point to something over her shoulder it would look like she was giving me a thumbs up.”
~ Fred Mason
“The thing with Kit is, that’s completely pointless to make fun of her. She never gets it. She just doesn’t understand.”
~ Steve Peterson
“What’s around your neck?”
“It’s a dragon,” said Kit.
“What does it stand for?”
“It’s a dragon.”
“Why are you wearing it?”
“Because it endows me with the abilities of a dragon and bestows upon me a secondary form which is that of an ancient dragon beast and allows me to share my body with a spirit of a rather cynical dragon named Yang.”
“Really?”
“No, you moron, I wear it because I like it.”
“Let go of his neck, he can’t breathe.”
“That’s kind of the point.”
“In Kit’s hands anything is a weapon. One time she hit me in the head with a potted plant. It really hurt.”
~ Jimmy Davis
“Kit, that was really rude,” said Marian.
“Huh?”
“He was totally flirting with you.”
“What?”
“I wish you were normal.”
“I hope you die a horrible, painful death and bugs eat your corpse.”
Kit walked into her homeroom and it instantly went dead silent.
“Okay, it’s official. That’s definitely the worst possible way to make me think you all weren’t just talking about me.”
“Kit Thompson, what are you doing?”
“Don’t yell at me. This completely looks like it might actually, for once, possibly be legitimately legal.”
“Uh.”
“Get back in the car.”
“Ask nicely.”
“Get back in the car before I beat you senseless.”
“Why are you smiling?”
“I saved someone’s life and blew up something big. It’s a good day.”
“It’s locked,” said Bunny and she turned to leave. Kit pulled out a gun and fired.
“And now it’s unlocked.”
“We can’t kill him, Kit.”
“So we just shoot him until he’s seriously maimed.”
“You know that filter between what a person thinks and what they say? I could probably scientifically prove that Kit doesn’t have one or at least hers is very defective.”
~ Doc D
Richard walked inside and looked at the cop in the interrogation room.
“You can take off those handcuffs,” said Richard. Kit took them off and set them on the table as they stared at her.
“You said I could.”
“Do you really think a grenade will have any effect this time?”
“Nope, but fifty might.”
“It looks like you might have a problem with your teacher. Care to explain?”
“Something might have happened to her car, she might blame me and I might be responsible,” said Kit.
“Kit didn’t kill Leon, she’s not a killer. She kills demons, yes, but never humans. And if she was suddenly going to snap and kill someone it wouldn’t be Leon,” said Sam, “It’d be Jimmy.”
“HEY!” said Jimmy.
“We came, we saw, we planted the bomb. It’s a good story, now lets leave.”
“You got to stand for something or you’ll fall for anything.”
“That’s the weirdest thing I’ve ever seen,” said Bunny.
“What is?” asked Kit.
“That guy has two heads.” Kit looked.
“So he does.”
“Why are you so calm? That is easily the weirdest thing I’ve ever seen.”
“Eh, it doesn’t even crack my top hundred.”
There was a box in her locker. She pulled it out and opened it. There was one of Larry’s earpiece messages. That meant she had a mission. She slipped it into her ear.
“Your mission is a simple retrieval. You’ll be working a lone. Your objective is a laptop. It is on the third floor penthouse on the corner of 33rd Street and Ditch Road. Good luck. This message will self-destruct in five seconds,” said Larry’s voice.
“WHAT? That ******** son-of-a-b***h,” said Kit as she pulled it and threw it where it exploded in midair, “What the hell!?”
“Kit, do me a favor. Pretend to be a normal eight year old,” said Richard.
“I’m going to kill him.”
“Thanks for trying.”
“Hey, Richie, I need a tow.”
“What happened to the car?”
“There was a small accident.”
“Kit? Where are you?” The car exploded.
“You know what? Look out your window, you’ll see it.”
“I might be radioactive.”
“WHAT!?”
“Only a little.”
“There’s no such thing as being a little radioactive!”
“Sometimes I miss those quiet days from before I met Kit Thompson. Those days when things never exploded in my face; those days when I wasn’t woken up in the middle of the night by a bunch of angry teenagers; those days when I wasn’t constantly being shot at by my fellow demons. Ah, those were the days, but who wants one of those boring, safe and probably longer lives anyway?”
~ Vedas
“Do you have a knife?”
“You know one of my conditions is that I’m not allowed any weapons.”
“Just hand it over, I don’t have time for you to pretend you actually follow rules.”
“You’re certifiable.”
~ Sarah Watson
“Her plan doesn’t fill me with confidence.”
“Why’s that?”
“It doesn’t make sense.”
“Her plans never do, until it’s all said and done. That’s when things become clear. It’s amazing really. But don’t worry; Kit’s crazy plans have a way of working out. Just stick to the plan and you’ll be fine.”
“Of course I’m angry. It’s this weird personality trait that I have where I hate it when demons materialize themselves in my bedroom.”
“What are you doing?” asked Kit.
“I am hunting you.”
“Okay, that’s insane. One - you don’t hunt humans. Two - if you could you shouldn’t because you’re really bad at it - I mean horrible.”
“Is it absolutely necessary for you to further antagonize the enemy that has us surrounded?” asked Jimmy and Kit stared at him for a few seconds.
“Yes.”
“If you tell anyone my secret you will wake up very confused in Cuba, with all of the hair on you body completely shaved off. And don’t think that this is an empty threat because I can totally do it. So tell and be afraid.”
“Manikins - those are the creepiest non-magical things on the planet. Whatever pervert first made a manikin ought to suffer for eternity.”
“Stop being rude.”
“I am rude? You hit me!”
“That’s not me being rude, that’s me being mean.”
“You must enjoy making everyone conceivable mistake possible otherwise you would have stopped by now.”
“How are we supposed to track down the demon that ran you over?”
“We scry for it.”
“But we don’t have anything of his.”
“Yeah, but he’s got a nice chunk of me on his front bumper.”
“Like I’m the poster child for normal.”
“Damn,” said Kit.
“Little girl, who the hell taught you how to cuss?” asked Magi.
“You did, Magi.” He thought for a second.
“Crap.”
“Kit’s the kind of person who might walk into an empty room and then accidentally shoot a mirror.”
“Kit just-,” said Richard.
“What’d she do now?” asked Michael.
“She just called me -.”
“What? She called you a name?”
“She called me a ‘narcissistic buffoon’.”
“Ouch.”
“She’s six, where’s she even learn words like those?”
“Shut your mouth and move your a**.”
“Let’s go: Kill the demons, find the magic staff, stop the evil super villain, save the world, keep it all a secret and get home in time for dinner. No problem - piece of cake. I can handle this in my sleep.”
“The only thing more foul than your mouth is your temper.”
~ Daniel O’Brien
“You must really want me to kill you.”
“Are these stolen?”
“I’d like to consider them donated under suspicious circumstances.”
“You know, the stun works on the gun.”
“What? You think I should tell her that we work for a secret advanced police force that fights ancient monsters of myth and lore and that operates out of a Laundromat.”
“I like that, it makes us sound important other than the Laundromat part.”
“I have friends in high places. Ones that will ruin you.”
“Higher than this?” She dangled him off the roof.
“Hey, how’d you finish all your work so fast?”
“Not talking.” He glared at her.
“You could have just told me to shut up.”
“I did.”
“When I said I wanted things to be different this year I meant different better.”
“I’ve had no luck with you guys. Sometimes I think I’d be better off with a dog. They’re more loyal and they die sooner. Plus no dogs have ever tried to kill me, with the exception of werewolves.”
“What? You think I risk my life for my health?”
“The two places I hate the most are schools and churches.”
“This from the girl who actually likes to hang out in graveyards.”
“Some people live in a world full of love and romance. I live in a world where there a lot of fireballs thrown at my head.”
“Violence is not the answer.”
“It’s my answer.”
“To what?”
“To you being annoying.”
“Because that makes a whole lot of no sense.”
“Why’d you do that?”
“Why wouldn’t I?”
“We had a deal, we compromised.”
“No you compromised, I did it anyway.”
“Shut up.”
“How are you?”
“Shut up.”
“What’s up?”
“I said ‘Shut up’.”
“Is anything new?”
“Apparently ‘shut up’ now means ‘keep talking’.”
“It looked like he was about to s**t a chicken.”
“The hardest part about being on a team like this, isn’t risking you own life, that’s the easy part. The hard part is having to stand by and watch your friends do the same.”
“Can’t you except that if I’m wrong about there being no God I’ll burn in hell?”
“What Kit doesn’t know can’t hurt us.”
“I’m not saying that I like you, I’m just saying that I don’t absolutely hate you.”
“You suck.”
“Can you maybe give one compliment, like ever?”
“It wasn’t completely horrible.”
“Thank you.”
“Let’s just say, I’m going out with a bang.”
“Happy hunting.”
“Maybe if it was before yesterday, today but tomorrow. What do you think?”
“I think you need to take your pills.”
“Let’s review my past relationships shall we? I got married when I was eleven to an ancient Egyptian man who was working for someone I was intending to kill. The first guy I ever kissed was Seth, the Antichrist himself, I’m not joking, his father was Satan, which was in the future and then I went back to my own time where I killed him. Then came Damien, the jealous moron. Then there was Tyler. He was dating Lizzy when he fell in love with me and he continued to make that obvious even though I told him to quit. But eventually I kissed him and ruined my friendship with Lizzy as I tried to hide what was really going on. Eventually she found out, hated the both of us mostly me and one thing led to another and Tyler ended back up with her. And in the ensuing confusion he almost got me killed because when we were in trouble Tyler did nothing because he couldn't figure his life out. Then I had this fling with Merlin, yes, thee Merlin but he put a curse on me and so I beat the s**t out of him. Zack was next, he beat me a lot and tried to kill me repeatedly. Then I dated Damien again, which was just plain bad. Leon was after him and he was totally sweet but when it came down to it but kind of an idiot. But he was sired and I killed him when he tried to feed on me. Then there was Billy, the ghost. Loved talking to him right up to the point where he possessed me and went on a crime spree where he got me shot. After him was Oliver who was a demon and well he was a demon. I really thought it would work despite that but he was a demon. You can imagine how it ended. Then came Greg the mortal. I stopped dating people in the magical world with this guy because of the aforementioned mistakes. But he found out my dirty little secret and lost his mind and nearly got me killed so I had to wipe his memories. Daniel was next, turned out he was gay. A sweet guy who liked other sweet guys. We never made it to boyfriend / girlfriend status so he’s exempt from the how they all try to kill me rule. Shawn the angel seemed like a good idea I mean he couldn’t possibility try to hurt me, he’s an angel. Yeah I was definitely wrong there. After him was Mason, the magical criminal, cheated on me a lot, got me arrested and stabbed me. Then there was Roy Fallen, my partner who shot me three times and threw me off a bridge into a semi-frozen river. Lastly there was Kent. I love him to death but we got problems. He lied to me and tried to kill me, not that he knew I was me. And he was almost my cousin; don’t ask it’s a long story. We broke up for a while and I met Spike, thought he was a demon hunter and apparently he was just, minus the hunter part. Ended back up with Kent, even though he tried to kill me. Of course now we’re married and I’m pregnant and eighteen. So after all this you want my advice on relationships?”
 Zegwarian310 · Wed Sep 26, 2007 @ 09:28pm · 1 Comments |
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