• You're scared, endangered, filled with dread.
    You've been hiding beneath your bed for weeks.
    But when Trouble rears its ugly head,
    he's the one that kicks it right in the teeth.

    There's only one man for this job,
    he's the only one that does what he do.
    They page him over the intercom:
    "Quickly Dr. Kickass, please, we need you!"

    "Yeah, they call me Dr. Kickass,
    on account of all the asses I kick.
    Yeah, the kids call me Dr. Kickass.
    All except one, but that one kid's a d**k."

    Doc Kickass don't take s**t from fools.
    Lock your daughter up tight, keep her from him,
    because he doesn't play by the rules,
    plus he's dirty. No one knows where he's been.

    Doc Kickass didn't spend eight years
    hitting the books hard at Kickass Med School
    for you to call him "Mister." Careers
    come and go, you know when there's Trouble you'll--

    Yeah, you'll call out "Dr. Kickass,"
    on account of all the asses he'll kick.
    Yeah, the kids call him Dr. Kickass.
    All except one, but that one kid's a d**k.

    He's got two PHD's, one's in Violence,
    the other one's in Medical Science.
    Plus he creates new drugs in his basement,
    but that one he does without a license.

    "Yeah, they call me Dr. Kickass,
    on account of all the asses I kick.
    All the kids call me Dr. Kickass,
    I kick so much a** it's almost tragic."

    Yeah, they call me Dr. Kickass.
    Yeah, all the kids call me Dr. Kickass.
    Find my foot's velocity x mass,
    That's the momentum at which I'm kicking your a**...