• The gingham dog and the calico cat
    Side by side on the table sat;
    'Twas half-past twelve, and (what do you think!)
    Nor one nor the other had slept a wink!
    The old dutch clock and the Chinese plate,
    Appeared to know as sure as fate
    There was going to be a terrible spat.

    (I wasn't there; I simply state
    What was told to me by the Chinese plate!)

    The gingham dog went "bow-wow-wow!"
    And the calico cat replied "mee-oow!"
    The air was littered, an hour or so,
    With bits of gingham and calico,
    While the old dutch clock in the chimney-place
    Up with its hands before his face.
    For it always dreaded a family row!

    (Never mind; I'm only telling you
    What the old dutch clock declares is true!)

    The Chinese plate looked very blue,
    And wailed "Oh Dear, What shall we do?"
    But the gingham dog and the calico cat
    Wallowed this way and tumbled that
    Employing every tooth and claw
    In the awfullest way you ever saw-
    And, oh! how the gingham and calico flew!

    (Don't fancy I exaggerate
    I got my news from the Chinese plate!)

    Next morning where the two had sat
    They found no trace of the dog or cat;
    And some folk think unto this day
    That burgalurs stole the pair away!
    But the truth about the cat and pup
    Is this: they ate eachother up!
    Now what do you really think of that?

    (The old dutch clock told me so
    And that is how I came to know)