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i breath in
the gun smoke
the corpsy smell
makes me choke
i see someone comming
toward me this way
i lift my head
and flinch away
the guns berral
touches my head
voice caught in my throte
nothing was said
the white flag i held
meant nothing to him
my blood soacked the ground
but this wound would mend
i climb to my feet
he looks at my face
his silent lips move
but nothing to say
i lift my gun
my fingers curl
that poor man
was killed by a girl
- by Invisible emo chick |
- Poetry And Lyrics
- | Submitted on 02/13/2009 |
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- Title: war
- Artist: Invisible emo chick
- Description: i have no clue......just a dream i had
- Date: 02/13/2009
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Comments (5 Comments)
- xXsecret_artistXx - 05/25/2009
- oh...lol. i should really pay more attention to detail.
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- Pandora Paradox - 03/13/2009
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rofl. I love the ending... even though it has such intense imagery we can still laugh it off at the end =)
My main complaint are the few small errors you have - mainly grammar/spelling and one or 2 places where it's a little awkward. Other than that I think it's a nice little piece.
Happy Writing! - Report As Spam
- Devi D_16 - 02/15/2009
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She said it was a dream she had, anything can happen in dreams silly lol
I like it! Though there are some technical spelling errors, I don't let that impair the judging of great writing. - Report As Spam
- XXfor3ver_h3artsXX - 02/13/2009
- ok?
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- xXsecret_artistXx - 02/13/2009
- lol, the ending was so sarcastically funny. the poem is so visual, i can almost see what is happening. does the girl have some sort of powers in order not to be hurt by the bullet? razz
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