Jack

• Artist: Ardens
• Description: Very odd poem here. I think I was going for a dream-like one.
  I've had the idea of writing a poem that somehow included as many references to different "jacks" as possible for a while until I finally had the patience to sit down and actually write it. This is my first poetry arena entry, so any suggestions for improvements would be greatly appreciated.
• Date: 01/07/2009
• Tags: jack hearts cards love dream

Jack eloped with the Queen of Spades
As the stars in the night-sky shone so bright,
They waited for the last of Jack Frost to fade
As they crept into the black Jack night.

Hearts pounding like a Jackhammer's drill,
The Queen and he could not bear to look back,
For fear that the Spaded King and Jill
Were on the trail of her and Jack.

Jack and the Queen, back Jack in the box,
While the gold giant arose and the fog became thick,
Surrounded by keys with only one lock
They had to be nimble and quick.

Jack, no lantern, became lost in the fray.
He, so they say, Captain Jack of all trades!
But he, looking back on that fateful day,
Would have traded them all to find the lost Queen of Spades.

Eternally bound and forever apart,
Still searching for his Queen of Hearts.

Comments

[Transcend_Unity]

Pretty good. Very different style which is appreciated since many enjoy mushy lovey dovey stuff... 4/5 wish it could be 4.5 but it can't... Feel free to rate back ^_^

[Ardens]

Also, thanks guys biggrin

[Ardens]

Hmm, as far as I can remember "back Jack in the box" was meant to be just "back in the box" but with a "Jack" stuck in the middle to reference a Jack-in-the-box toy. It's such a odd poem, every time I read it I question my own reasoning behind some of the lines.

[o_OWhatYouDontKnowO_o]

love!! love!! the last two lines
and its really really good for a first entry smile

[Elsewise]

I caught the sort of dream-like quality you were going for. It is a rather whimsical but clever poem.

The only line I didn't quite understand was "Jack and the Queen, back Jack in the box." Unless I misread that part, I couldn't understand who or what was "back" or being backed. If that's just my misunderstanding, I apologize.

For a first entry, this is brilliant.