Symphony of Dark Souls

• Artist: cooll666725
• Description: This is something I was inspired to write last night. I was thinking of what spirits must think of being deceived by men. How they want revenge on them. Every time I think of it, it makes me glad that I'm not human... ^_^
• Date: 01/06/2009
• Tags: symphony dark souls

Staring at these walls
I feel a pain that lurks
Here in this place
There were spirits that were hurt

Burned to death by hate and desire
I feel their pain burning like fire
Destroyed and utterly crucified
They fell and they have died

Their spirits linger
Their hearts seek revenge
Their eyes have rotted
And they have nothing left

Nothing but a memory
A memory of men
Who had in vain
Crucified them

They wait and linger
To tear the hearts of the living
From their chests all because
Of what they forced on them

Cruelty has destroyed their goodness
It has replaced it with bitter wrath
They were once human
But now they are demons

They hate men
They wait to destroy
All that men have built
All that men have to destroy

And they will succeed
Because they are demons
Empowered by hate and desire
To see men repaid for what they’ve done.

Comments

[Christian_Vendrasyl]

This would have to be a free verse poem then. It's a poem and it has meaning, but try making a poem with rhymes sometimes.

[Abbygail0810]

Nice
Tip: If you start a rhyme, the whole of the poem has to rhyme.

[xXTrueAngleXx]

nice dude

[plastered with posters]

I think it's good but the rhythm is rather choppy

[meizha]

I like the concept but... you're not human?

Anyway, this stanza:

"Burned to death by hate and desire
I feel their pain burning like fire
Destroyed and utterly crucified
They fell and they have died"

has rhyme, which is rather different from the entire poem. I hope you put a rhyme in all the other stanzas too, but if that wasn't possible, you could have maintained the consistency instead.