• Ten years or more ago,
    Canon was made and shown,
    But now there are four sue types,
    And to us they are well known.

    Sparklypoo, from the Malls and Shops,
    Tootsietramp, the bedroom floor.
    Bitchiwitch, the knifes razor edge,
    Canonraip, a foreign shore.

    They share a wish, a hope, a dream,
    Their twisted evil plan.
    To f#^% around with canonfolk,
    Thus here's how fanfic began.

    Now each of these four sues,
    Have a canonfolk target each,
    Harry, Draco, Hermione, Ron,
    For our Bleeprin we now reach.

    By Sparklypoo, the hawtest chicks,
    Are prized for how they dress.
    For Tootsietramp, the skankiest,
    And could give Harry head the best.

    For Bitchiwitch, those in black,
    Who are Gawth and Wangst away.
    For self-inserting Canonraip,
    Those who could twist a plot their way.

    Now sues will go for canonfolk,
    And will not set them free.
    On our hands and knees we begged,
    But they were oblivious to our plea.

    Now suethors cannot ever create,
    A timeline in their head.
    But how can you tell each apart,
    When your brain has melted and is dead?

    T'was Sparklypoo who found the way,
    She gave the Sorting Hat a makeover.
    The sues then tried to give it brains,
    With laughter we doubled over.

    Now grab your sporks, were off again,
    To prove these b#%^*es wrong.
    Give us back our canonfolk,
    In Hogwarts they belong.