Look at me

• Artist: Svveetie^_^
• Description: Tell me what you think of this :p
  
• Date: 08/08/2008
• Tags:

* Look at me in your moments of despair;
life is not easy life is not fair.

Look at me in your moments of loneliness;
I can bring you peace and I can bring you happiness.

Look at me in your moments of sorrow;
I am your today and I want to be your tomorrow.

Look at me in your moments of joy;
life is also worth to be enjoyed. * heart

Comments

[IMPALER_PRINCE]

I see at least one major stylistic snag and a mechanics error.
The rhythm of the 3rd couplet is unlike the the rhythm of the rest of the poem. The second line is a run on.
I could see using irregular meter to make some sort of point, but the consistency of subject makes me think otherwise. Sorry. </3

[skyla55]

I think that you need more emotion in it...try different word combinations and it flow a bit differently. I feel that its easier to write poetry when you're overcome a a specific emotion or group of emotions...Sorrow...Love...Anger/Hate/Frustration...Joy. These are some emotions that can create beautiful poems. Also don't be afraid where your poem takes you
But for this specific one...The flow and wording should be changed a bit

[jpat16]

Its so blah, its almost as if you didnt even try

[Macabre_Words]

OMG! I LURVS IT! SO PRETTY!