"Untitled"

• Artist: writingdreamhorror
• Description: A poem in which I wrote, please comment and rate. Also give me constructive criticism please.
• Date: 09/10/2009
• Tags: poem rhyme theme syllabal

My life is a bottle with the cap turned tight.
Dancing through my dreams with all of my might.
If only you knew how much I try to fight.
And how hard it is to seek the light.
Things of beauty tempting to bite.
When everyone is prying in night.
As if no one can truly see from this height.
To cut down trees with winds of hot white.
That is not to destroy, but do what is right.

Comments

[thomulus]

I'm sorry...WHAT? 1.ok the bottle thing could have made sense, except then the next sentence had nothing to do with it
2. Dancing through my dreams with all of my might, makes no sense 2 me
3. I like this sentence (yay)
4. good too
5.good
6.good
7.no sense?
8.less sense.
9. Just no...

[mrskjc]

It a five star poem but its dead and empty. It gives me a feelings of grief and horror.

[RavenaRayne]

Five stars is in order. XD

[b1ueberr1ez]

It sounds pretty much like devil words, but it's really great.If you could just let me rate it, it would be a big five stars...and a plus if thats possible. It's my favorite! This poem is really something that should be a award winner. You should really become a author or poet one day, I mean, your fantastic!! =D ^_^

[Kittilord]

How about rhyming can gargle on the soup my big juicy hairy unwashed balls created?

[Sunafire]

I actually really like the rhyming, it works well with the context!
Maybe you should try and make the lines have the same number of syllables each to give it a nice rhythm smile

[eina540]

that i awsumly powerfull, i write poems, and that one just like BAM in my face, i lovet, and its a five star favorite