Wandering Dream

• Artist: METRO SKiiES
• Description: A poem I wrote in my math class today, May 12, 2009. I was rather bored and this sappy tale I'd been bouncing around in my head the past few days just kind of poured itself out onto my paper. I know it's cliche, but I still think it sounds nice. I think the audience here will be a little more welcoming than the audience at school. I was inspired by the struggles of Darrow in Kate Constable's novel "The Waterless Sea" and the rest of the trilogy, as well as fantasy and romance in general.
• Date: 05/12/2009
• Tags: wandering dream love ocean wishes

Wandering Dream

The lonely sea calls him.
I should have known he would not stay.
Who can hold a wanderer back?
Who can stop a dream fleeing the dawn?

The sighing winds call him.
It seems only yesterday he came.
He filled my heart with leaping joy.
Now it spills its thousand tears in silence.

The swaying boat calls him.
He asks me to come and see the world.
I wish that I could follow him there,
But I am bound by the ancient roots of the land.

The gentle waves call him.
I know he longs to sail again.
I know he waits for me to come free.
I see the pain in his sorrowful gaze.

A wandering dream calls me.
Hope gives me strength,
Love gives me courage,
And I know I cannot stay.

Comments

[Sings4GodsGlory]

I thought it was good, the flow needs a little work but overall it was good. I really loved this part:
A wandering dream calls me.
Hope gives me strength,
Love gives me courage,
And I know I cannot stay.

It was my favorite part of the poem. Keep writing! and God bless!
~Hillary

[emeraldpuppy9]

its pretty good ^^
<3
the only thing that i hafta say u should fix is to take out the periods, i just think they're not necessary in poems, just stops/messes up the flow...
and cliche makes it relatable ;D
great job 5/5, rate bck?

[Ivy-Lierre]

i loves it

[Savinien]

Find another word for "fleeing" and "free." They're out of place, and they're the only words with the /f/ sound. While normally I wouldn't comment on this, there is a rhythm in your poem, and the /f/ kind of disrupts it.

"Thousand tears" is also awkward here. I sort of stumbled over it when I was reading it. Maybe change it to "Now it spills its sorrows in silence" for the alliteration. Or something. No idea. The "thousand tears" phase was just really awkward to read.

[Savinien]

I'm assuming that the "he" is the "wandering dream."

For some reason, the period in the first line of every stanza really irks me. I read poems out loud, and it seems like there was a natural flow between the first and second lines of every stanza. When I tried reading it with a period, the flow just...kind...of...stopped.

[Unfortunate Misfits]

I know what this poem is explaining

[tksunshine93]

Love it....Reminds me of an aria my English class listened to....Can't remember which though... ANYWAY!! This is great, really beautiful.