Broken Wishes

• Artist: Jeyrin
• Description: I wrote this a long time ago and posted it in a mule. Then, I made some major changes to it (cut out a lot of stuff, added a lot of new verses etc.) so only a few verses are the same. I thought I would post it again, because people seem to like my work. (Unspoken Message, a poem that was in the spotlight for quite some time was written by me.) I hope everyone likes this one too!
• Date: 06/08/2009
• Tags: broken wishes dream star

Broken Wishes

Wish upon the falling star.
Oh, wow, it’s very far.
Just a few million miles between us.
Little star, we have much to discuss.

I’m very unhappy with your service,
And you’re starting to make me nervous.
I’ve been wishing every night,
The same wish, the same dream.
Was this star not right?
Do I need to choose another ball of light?
If so, alright.

Okay, new star.
I’ve searched the sky all night,
Just to find you.
This time, I hope I’m right.
I had the biggest and brightest,
Of you all.
But now I’ve chosen the slighest;
I wanted someone small.

Little star, can you help me?
Help me with my wish.
I think we can agree,
That what I need is this.
I’ve wanted it for so long,
And my patience is wearing thin.
I want somewhere I can belong,
And that’s no where I’ve been.

So can you just sprinkle
Some magic dust upon me?
In the sky, I see your faint twinkle,
And I want so badly to be free.
I’m wondering if it was pointless to try,
Because it seems like by this time,
I should be able to fly.
People act like wishing is a crime.

It’s been too long, you know,
Little star of mine.
I picked you ages ago,
And, still, nothing is fine.
Can’t you give me a clue,
So I know what I’ve done wrong?
I don’t know what to do.
I just want to belong.

Has my wish been broken?
If so, I guess I’m not the first.
The truth has been spoken,
And my hope has been burst.
A star can’t give you what you want or need.
You’ve got to make your own dream,
For any hope to succeed.

Decide what you want to do,
But don’t leave anything up to fate;
Your dreams are for you to pursue.
Life is yours to create.

Comments

[inkheart19]

I really like this. It has a very good point and is prettytrue about life so 5 stars!

[Sang Noir de la Vigne]

i like the theme here. i find that the rhyming scheme changed a bit here and there. as did the general beat (but i do that too, so no sweat).

[happy is skull]

nice =]

[Cascantelee]

I really like this poem. It's message is really strong,

[Midnight-Killer-00]

i like it oh and my poem was cuz my grandpa died right before xmas and i wrote it he was my fave person in the world and xmas eve was his funeral

[Alectix]

Ahhhz!! I hate typos! "its" oO (sowwi)

[Alectix]

From the middle of your poem to the ending, it's started getting quite delightful with your word choice. (Again, as a suggestion: I believe it to be helpful when not using the same words over and over as it might tend to throw the readers off. On the occasion that you are pointing out a particular theme, purposely using that word repeatedly, and centering your readers attention on that idea, then it would probably increase your poems emotion.) :] 4/5...