• To Whom It May Concern,
    The time has come. I will finally sink to the depths of the ocean. I will pleasure the lustrous desire that has overwhelmed my body with need. I am in the process of a chemical change. Currently, I look the same, but my insides have converted from a bright lovely red to a charcoal black. And now, in this moment, people will see the final change; the outer change. I am a polar opposite of who I used to be. What can one do when their light has burnt out? Life no longer excites me. Everyday I hate my existence more, and simultaneously, my fear of death dwindles down to sweet nothingness. To think of myself as a vast soul, an energy, a presence even, would suffice. It is my dream to die. I will make my dream come true today. Please do not be sad when I'm gone. The truth is, I was tired; tired of waking up to another dreadful day, tired of living, and tired of drifting to sleep knowing that my life was going around and around in an infinite circle. I was tired if feeling numb, and I was tired of feeling depression when the numbness went away. This is for the better. May you rest peacefully knowing that I will die with my eyes open and a smile in my heart. If I go to Hell, at least it will be warm. You all know how much I hate the cold. I'll be okay. For those of you who cared, thank you. It was you who kept me alive this long. For those of you who say they care but never bothered to show it, please don't bother now. If you didn't help then you didn't care, not enough. Don't feel too bad. You can't fake interest in a person for the duration that I needed it. It's okay. Really. I never mattered in the first place. I felt nothing and I was nothing, but now... I finally feel happiness, excitement, and maybe even satisfaction as I hold this weapon. The icy metal chills my bones yet warns my core. The click of the safety is a symphony to my ear drums. The sensation of the trigger sends a shock through my finger. And in that moment, I am raw untapped power, too forceful to be stopped. It took all the restraint a mere mortal can possess to put down this gun and write my final goodbye. I only ask for foriveness. With all of this in mind, I must release a rage that has hidden in te shadow of my mind until now as I this: do not say that I was selfish. There were accomplices in this death. You know who you are. I begged for help from you. What did I ask for? An ear to listen. When no one helped me I had to fend for myself like an orphaned cub lost in the wide wilderness. Surprisingly, my way of attaining temporary happiness was making others happy. When you were happy, I could feed off of the energy. But just like energy, my happiness ran out after a certain amount of time. Most of you just took the happiness I have away, and never returned it. We as imperfect humans tend to look the other way when we see a soul in distress.If you dont see something, it's not real. Right? Your blind ignorance killed me. You can learn from me, help others like me, but just know it will be a useless attempt to calm the growing guilt built up inside. You can never fix it. I am selfish, but I'm not the only one. The people who cared, you know who you are. You know who you are because you saw me at the peak of my happiness rather than a mask of smiles. You saw what was, and not what you wanted to see. If you cannot make sense if this letter, the only thing I can leave you with are lyrics from "asleep" by the smiths. "Don't feel bad for me, I want you to know that deep in the cell if my heart I really want to go. There is another world. There is a better world. There must be. Goodbye." Goodbye.


    Sincerely,
    A Finally Free Spirit