- I make you feel helpless and yet so alive. I kill all your desire and replace it with mine. I am the voice in the back of your mind, whispering to you all the answers to your life. I am your savior, forever here to help you, if I so desire. I take apart your obstacles, I stage all your fights, I pick the ones going on tonight. I decide your future so long as I wish, but then again will I ever leave you. Maybe I should leave you all alone in the dark, after all I can find someone so much better. I can find the prettier person, find someone who possesses greater beauty than you, whose intelligence surpasses your own, it really isn’t that difficult. They are all far better than you. Though they most certainly are not great. But compared to them you are worthless and weak. Just listen to your self cry in self pity, that’s your doing not mine. I’m just letting you see the truth behind the lies you have been told. What? Is reality too much for you? Well you will need to be over it soon. Oh I have the perfect trick, time to get rid of some of your filthy blood that haunts your veins, careful now lest we mark your pretty skin, do that and you will have nothing left. Now steady now, just take care with that knife. Make sure to cut above your wrist, we don’t want you crippled. Make sure to go deep but thin, once, twice, three times. Now go to your other wrist. Do you feel better yet? Of course you do you feel much lighter now you are not so ugly. Oh, but then you still are aren’t you? That’s why I’m helping you after all. Now we look at those thighs of yours oh how hideous you are. Its hard not to be repulsed. Fix them quickly now, make cuts on the inside, no one will ever see. Who would want to look at you after all. As a matter of fact, why even bother hiding your purging? You’re making yourself less ugly after all. Besides, no one will see the scars, nor blood because they wouldn’t want to look at you, you’re too sickening sweetie. Now hurry up and clean the filth that drips from your beauty wounds. Stop staining this world with your putrid blood. Look how disgusting you are! Hurry up and get rid of the disease within you! Make sure to purify the floor and counter and blade. After all, what did they do to deserve being stained by you, you trash. Well look in the mirror now, isn’t that better? Not by much though, lord knows you have a long way to go. But now I don’t have to throw up all my lunch when I look at you, but hurry up with this. Don’t waste my time. Now time to keep you locked away in your room. Think this is punishment? Oh heavens no. We just don’t need you ruining your family’s eyes with your appearance now do we? No, separation is best. Just see it for what it is, saving your family from yourself. Do you even think you have the right to call them your family? They are all perfectly fine. They are all much better than you. Now hurry up and crawl into your room. You have no right to be comfortable and warm. Don’t grab any blankets, just wear long pants and a giant sweatshirt, keep the hood up lest your family- lest those near you will be stricken with disgust by your flesh. Oh, but we aren’t here to sleep so don’t you dare close your eyes. Stare at the mirror and see what a hideous beast you are. Now this is your punishment for not being able to do this your self. Now look in the mirror, you are not allowed to look anywhere else. Look at the creature of nightmares you are. Let your mind rot at the sight of you, let your eyes burn and bleed. Do you now see the reason I have come to help a pathetic person like you. It is my job to make the world prettier, make it more suited for perfection like myself. And now I am creating my wish by ridding the world of its ugliness, starting with you. Can you stand to look at yourself? Oh I think I stricken a nerve with you. You finally see the truth don’t you. It was about time. Now go back to the bathroom, make sure to lock the door, open the drawer with the blade inside, now take it and do the rest. Let your ugliness leave you as you cut over your wrists. Why did you do that? If I were you I would have gone for your neck or face, perhaps the eyes, that way I wouldn’t have to see the disgusting person I was. What a weakling you are! Lying on the floor. Clean up this mess! Stop staining the world! You are supposed to be ridding the world of yourself, not embedding yourself in it. Are you done dying yet? I really hope so. Now on to the next ugly, perhaps they won’t take so long to make pretty, as they were dyed red.
- by Deaths Calling Card |
- Non Fiction
- | Submitted on 11/01/2009 |
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- Title: Making everything beautiful
- Artist: Deaths Calling Card
- Description: If you have read the diary of Ana Rexia then this will appear slightly similar to that. This is supposed to be the voice of cutting and self mutilation, or at least an attempt. I hope to make a better version in the furture, but now this is my rough draft. Yes, it is a bit dark, but it is necessary...
- Date: 11/01/2009
- Tags: making everything beautiful cutting blood
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Comments (1 Comments)
- validated motive - 11/27/2009
- Quite eye-opening, I'm impressed. I have read the True Confessions of Ana Rexia and I agree with the similarities. Over all I give you a 5/5 for your work. Keep writing.
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