• tab It all started with my first step mother, then there was a second and a third, in some way all of them made me sad, one pushed my trusted and attachment down hill. but the third the third the one that we thought was right for my dad. why did she just up and leave i don't understand my tears, because i never got close to her but her kids, my siblings well step used to be in away they still are and will always be. you don't know what its like to wake up ever day afraid that someone else is going to break your heart and here it happens with this step mother. i don't want this to be alone so much of me wants them to come back so much of me misses her, but so much of me hates her and i don't even know why. i guess its because she made my dad cry i wish it was not this way i wish everything was the same as before but its not i am alone will dad works with thoughts that make me cry. i am so deep in my self that its harder to let go and forgive and forget. but not with this one i don't want to forget her. because that would mean stop seeing my old step siblings i don't know witch is worse seeing them then going home to an empty house or just plain being away from them. both i would say because i don't know what i want but i do know i don't want to be alone i need some kinda of life. how can when i don't want one all i want to do is grieve. but i keep my self from it since when she first left maybe thats why i am still sad because i wont let myself grieve but were is that saying i wont grieve after another step mother and her leaving us.
    tab you know love is really not worth it because in the end they leave you over just about everything thats why i never plane to fall in love never do i plan to date any one because its not worth the hurt i rather be alone all my life then be heart broken then having to face the tears and know what my dad has been going through because it sounds and probably would feel a lot worse then what it feels to the kid. not that you would understand it. saying your different than me its just hard a hard times to go through and i don't think i could stand another step mother in what two years i have left with my father. its not all that bad you could say saying i will be gone off doing my own thing but i keep wondering if i would be alone then because of the choice i made. plus i am not even good at dating any ways. never know until you try right..lol and all of it is going to stop with my step mothers all the sad that is because i just need to get over it all.