me and him

• Artist: mimeness
• Description: a little passage i wrote randomly.....im trying to get into writeing!
  i hope you like it tell me if it sucks cuz i wanna know!
  and if it dont tell meh!!!
• Date: 11/08/2008
• Tags:

Then suddenly two arms wraped around my waist from behind and tugged till my
body was touching his My face was on fire my smile ear to ear.He was so warm the day
was cold and the temp.was below 60 his chest agaisnt my back it was like being wraped
in a thick blanket "i love you" he whispered,his warm breath on the side of my chilled neck
sent a chill down my spine after a second a another was felt through out my body as i took
in the words...I set my arms on his craddleing him closer to me...I shut my eyes and replyed softly..
"I love you too...." I felt his breathing speed and heard his heart beat begin to race..
Then he untwinded me from him turned me quickly but gently and put his warm hands
on my cold cheaks that warmed as he pulled my face to his..He looked deep in my eyes...
And kissed me.....My eyes widened my face pinked my dream came true....


heart heart heart

Comments

[ScaryEvilMe]

it reminds me of Bella and Jacob even though i hate him...its really good and romantic..your great

[Phantasmicy]

From a well established writer, I thought it was choppy and not very well organized. Correct puncuation and spelling always contribute to a story, especially when you are trying to portray something as deep as this. Use more descriptive words, but nothing too hard to understand. With a few lessons and classes you could have some potential.

[Samdaninjavampire]

that was one of the most sweetest things i have ever read its very deep and i luved it alot you are going to become a fabulous writter.i'll be looking for books from you when were a bit older

[PuNkRoCkPrInCeSs30]

It was good just look out for common grammer mistakes and punctuation but other than that cute story. Oh and i agree that she was being a smart a**...>.<

[mimeness]

well thanks a bunch! im sorry for having a dream to write and my first peices being crap! and btw im like 13 so im not gonna spell or capitalize everything right not everyone can be a smartass!!!

[Ovelia Beoulve]

One thing of advice for someone wanting to go into writing. Spell correctly! Capitalize things correctly. And please, do not use chat speak.
I didn't think it was very good.
Mainly because I had to figure out what you were trying to say.