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We stood in our classroom with a weird atmosphere. There was no one else here but me and her.
“Hi Cara, long time no see. How was weekend?” I said in a low voice.
She could tell that I was hiding something; could hear it through my voice which was always loud but not today. I definitely like her. She would find out sooner.
“It was good Toby.” She said, grinning. She lunges in for me and right uppercuts me. I snap my eyes open with shock.
“What the ******** Cara!” I shouted and finally make eye contact with her. She looks pretty today and bright. I blushed and looked away.
“Toby, why are you so weird today?” she said vehemently.
“I uhm…” I couldn’t find the words to say. I like you, will you be mine? I don’t have the guts to tell her. Instead I kept my eyes, unseeing, glued to the test papers in the table. God, I’m not ready for this confrontation. Not now…
“Look at the test papers Cara. I definitely got higher marks than you.” I tried to change the topic and act casually. “Haha.”
“No Toby. I’m going out for a bit.” Cara said in a short clipped voice. I felt my heart somersault in my chest. Don’t go.
If I answer her question I knew I would get a ‘no’.
But I must hide it for now…
-
Cara and I were classmates and friends for three years. We would talk about a lot of things especially anime. We would sometimes fight over it because she said that the movie I recommended was bad. We would do our assignments and quizzes together and get perfect scores. I was good at English; she was good at Math. We would always eat outside and play with elevators. An old woman scolded us and told us not to play with elevators anymore.
One sunny day she asked me this weird question: “Toby what do you do when it’s hot?” it sent shivers down my spine.
“I take a bath.” I answered her. She only stared at me intensely and bam I fell in love with her that day.
-
And today March 25, the last day of third year high school. After the awkward meeting of me and Cara, I texted her: ‘Can we talk after class?’
She replied: ‘Okay, tell me everything. Face to face.’
Some of my classmates were inviting me to go out after class but I refused. I want to tell Cara what I feel later. It’s now or never.
After the long boring farewells, I became more nervous. It’s 4:30 pm and the teacher said, “Goodbye class, see you next school year.”
Cara was already leaving and I raced up to her, “Wait Cara.” I was standing in front of her, blocking her way to the exit.
“Tell me now Toby.” Cara whispered feeling tired.
“Let’s sit over there.” I pointed to the bench. “Let’s talk.”
“Hurry up, I must go home early.” Cara was already feeling irritated and it seems she is in bad mood today. I felt my stomach like curdled milk. I can’t tell her after all.
“Are you really going abroad tomorrow Cara?” I asked her and my eyes started to water. I looked away and pretended to search for my wallet. “I am missing my wa-wallet.” I croaked out. I heard her exhale.
“I’m going Toby. Goodbye.” She said. It felt like rejection even though I didn’t asked her out. You can’t. You can’t go yet! Do you wanna eat outside? I looked down at my palms, which were actually itching to reach out and touch her, to smooth her hair back and tuck it behind her ear. Reality hits me, Cara was already walking away.
My tears were flowing like river now and I haven’t brought any tissue with me. I’m so stupid; I thought I was weird and laughable. I’m afraid of being alone now. I stood up and dried my tears with shaking hands. I never thought of following her today but I must.
She was not looking back so I walk behind her. There are still tears dropping and it hit my shoe and formed a shape of a star. “I like you Cara.” I whispered.
Everything seems so sad right now but I kept on walking behind Cara. I never actually expected I would do something like this. Besides, Cara is leaving tomorrow. Nothing matters anymore.
“Cara.” It came as a whisper.
“Cara.” Barely audible.
“Cara!” It was a shout. I’m surprised. I was very happy, Tears have found a way out again, there’s no stopping them. She tilts her head a little and hoping she sees me, I shout her name again. Here!
A bus blocks our view. I waited for it to leave. While waiting, I thought of some things to say to Cara. I want to go out with you. I like you. When you go to America, I want us to chat and check each other out. I will finish my studies and go there to meet you.
The bus moved slowly. I thought of my dream I have had since long ago. In that dream, we were in school. We were in the grass field, laughing, and making up stories. And like that, I want it to happen again, without doubt. That’s what I thought. The bus left and tears kept on flowing. She was long gone.
- Title: Reach
- Artist: Josefmari
- Description: Pessimist Toby was having doubts of confessing his feelings to Cara.
- Date: 04/22/2015
- Tags: reach
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