-
Chapter 1 (not the full chapter)
He sat looking through the iron bars into the rest of the dark prison, the rusted metal walls seemed to drain the hope from all participants who admired their hopelessness. The small dim electric light buzzed profusely, setting his annoyance even farther. His dark red eyes settled on the shadows outside the cell, as the silent noise of footsteps sounded through the halls. A figure cloaked in the insidious shadows, it was moving quickly, but silent as mouse effortlessly making its way through the heavily guarded prison. As the figure passed him, it stopped, sensing that it was being watched, curious it looked around, and noticed a youth set in the iron bars, it moved into the edge of the light. The boy gasped as he saw the blood covered girl that stood before him. She seemed to carry no sign of injury, her face was expressionless and dark. She gazed at the boy interested slightly, stealthily moved down the hall as if she was ignoring him. She made a small turn at the end of the hall, and stealthily approached his cell, cautiously, knowing the boy would sill be looking for her. The boy stumbled backwards when he noticed her just inches from his face was, but he never took his eyes off hers. The girl made a slight giggle as he fell it was almost child like.
She made a small questioning motion to the lock of the cell. He wondered what she meant with the lock, he thought for several minutes, and came to the conclusion she was asking if he wanted out. Although she seemed helpful every cell in his body was afraid. It wasn’t just the blood that covered her, it was everything about her, the expressionless face, the childlike physique, the curious eyes, but even more is why she was in here. She gave a quick turn of her head, hearing heavy footsteps of an approaching person, she moved silently, climbing the bars like of the cell, and gripping irregular edges of the metal sheets. The boy was thrown into question. He was about to speak, until he also heard the footsteps, and saw the bright light of the flashlight coming up the rows. The guard stopped in front of his cell, and opened his mouth to speak, but the girl dropped down, and dragged him into the shadows with amazing speed, the dull sounds of flesh against flesh sounded, a few loud cracks shouted through the prison. The girl returned, her clothes were spattered with fresh blood, and in one swift motion the cell door was unlocked.
She moved slowly toward him, looking innocent stopping just a few feet away from him. He backed away a bit, frighten by her natural predator-like prowess.
Comments (3 Comments)
- HIKIT.^^ - 01/10/2013
- Seems interesting so far. However, you have some tense issues, and a lot of run-on sentences issues. And some word usage issues (for instance, if the footfalls are silent how can the boy hear them echoing around the place?). I think it's a good first draft and I'm interested in seeing more though, but it definatly need revision.
- Report As Spam
- Kai_Asura - 09/26/2009
- Well looks like on in the right mood, to revise this pain in my ace.
- Report As Spam
- NyokoJT - 09/20/2009
-
woah~
That story is so coool~
*looking forward to read more* ^__^
I like it.
Bye~ - Report As Spam