• Eggwhite Jones is a lovable black albino tramp, and wherever he goes, chaos follows. It was a beautiful summer day in the small Mississippi town, known as Chuck Norrisville, and the town’s people were about their business. That is, if trying to break the record for the world’s longest massage train can be considered business. Now, unlike most massage trains, the Chuck Norrisville massage train's most coveted position was the caboose. For this attempt, Charley Chuck Norris Smith the 3rd won the honor of being the caboose by performing the best impersonation of the sound Chuck Norris’ foot makes when it makes contact with someone’s face.

    Normally Charley wasn’t one to brag, but his excitement was too much for him to contain. He walked the streets saying, “Kahput! Kahput! I’m the caboose! Kahput! Kahput!” on his way to the rear of the massage train. This did not sit well with Chuck Chuck Norris Smith the 2nd, Charley’s brother, rival, and secret lover. Chuck, a.k.a. Chu Chu 2, had come in second in the “Sound like Chuck’s Foot” contest, and was very envious of his older little brother’s victory. But Chu Chu 2, a.k.a. 2 Chu 2, had formed a plan the previous evening, immediately after his defeat but before his nightly polishing. However, his plan did not take into account the train hopping Afro-American albino hitching a ride on his way too and through Chuck Norrisville.

    There were only two ways into Chuck Norrisville. The first is by a country road that is so country that even people from the country call it a country road, in a derogatory manner. The second, and the way in which our protagonist is just about to enter, is by train. However, the train never stops in Chuck Norrisville. Now, normally Eggwhite Jones wouldn’t bother with a town that a train wouldn’t stop in, but a case of chromatic diarrhea interrupted his beauty sleep in such a fashion to cause him to jump up and shout, “Holy guacamole comin’ owt mah a**s.” Still chanting those words, he leaped from the train and landed dead center on the edge of the outskirts of town.