• Once upon a time, there was a young boy.

    "Excuse me sir, but we have child labor laws now and this sort of forced labor will result in harsh fines and lawsuits."

    "Ok then." Once upon a time, there was a hero.

    "Excuse me again, but the Hero's Union Local 380 is on strike. They demand that they get better treatment within stories and that they stopped being used for cliché roles. They're also pretty adamant about a pay raise and compensation for all the crap they've had to endure at the hands of ignorant authors."

    "Fine then." Once upon a time, there was a scab who crossed the hero's union's picket line.

    "Hey now!"

    "What?"

    "I never agreed to be a scab."

    "Well I don't think you get the choice."

    "I'm not doing it!"

    "What about if I give you fifty dollars?"

    Two hundred."

    "One hundred."

    "Deal."

    "Ok." Once upon a time, there was a scab, who for one hundred dollars crossed the hero's union's picket line in search of his sister who.

    "Wait just a minute."

    "What now?"

    "I don't have a sister."

    "Well you do now."

    "I'm not going to go save her."

    "But we had a deal."

    "True, but it seems rather pointless to try and save my nonexistent sister."

    "Fine, we'll make it the princess."

    "No thanks."

    What? How could you not want to rescue the princess?"

    "She's an elitist b***h who does nothing but dream about the hunky heroes. Why should I give her the pleasure of being rescued? Especially considering she spent her childhood making fun of my kind."

    "Sheesh, well then we'll just go with this." Once upon a time, there was a scab, who for one hundred dollars crossed the hero's union's picket line to go off and rescue his mother.

    "I know you didn't just talk about my mother like that!"

    "But."

    Nobody talks about my mother!"

    "Ok, fine." Once upon a time, there was a scab, who for one hundred dollars crossed the hero's union's picket line to go off and slay the dragon.

    "Wait, nobody said anything about a chance of person injury here."

    "What? Of course there's a chance, you're going on a quest."

    "Not for one hundred dollars I'm not. I want at least five hundred, and complete health insurance."

    "Ok, you got it." Once upon a time, there was a scab, who for five hundred dollars and complete health insurance crossed the hero's union's picket line to go off and slay the dragon. It all started when our young.

    "I'm not young."

    "What do you mean?"

    "I'm forty-two."

    "Fine." Once upon a time, there was a scab, who for five hundred dollars and complete health insurance crossed the hero's union's picket line to go off and slay the dragon. It all started when our middle-aged hero was confronted in the local tavern.

    "I don't drink."

    "I didn't say you did."

    "Then why am I in a tavern?"

    "Because that's where you were confronted."

    "But I don't drink so I'd never go into the tavern."

    "What about for camaraderie?"

    "I think that ninety percent of the human race is made of dumb ********, why would I want their friendship?"

    Good point." Once upon a time, there was a scab, who for five hundred dollars and complete health insurance crossed the hero's union's picket line to go off and slay the dragon. It all started when our middle-aged hero was confronted at random on the street. After a brief discussion the scab.

    "My name's Karl."

    "I beg your pardon."

    "My name, I'm called Karl."

    "Well I didn't know that."

    "Well you do now."

    "Fine." Once upon a time, there was a scab, who for five hundred dollars and complete health insurance crossed the hero's union's picket line to go off and slay the dragon. It all started when our middle-aged hero was confronted at random on the street. After a brief discussion, Karl went off to buy weapons and supplies.

    "Wait, supplies aren't included?"

    "Why should they be?"

    "I was under the impression that they were included on this quest."

    "Well they're not!"

    "Well they should be!"

    "You're not getting them!"

    "Who says?"

    "I do, I'm the narrator!"

    "Too bad, I'm not doing it unless they're free!"

    "Well if that's how you want to be." Once upon a time all the ******** assholes died.

    "No-o-o-o-o-o!"

    And nobody lived ever-after. The end.